I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
