So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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