: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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