you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
