her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
