Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
