what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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