shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
