He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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