areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
