My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
