12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
