where does the pee come out of this thing
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
