If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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