ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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