I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Randomize
