If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
