There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
