He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
