Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
