so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
