wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
