No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
