hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
