What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
