i just had sex bonerless
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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