Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
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