Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
