in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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