im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Everything about him screamed your future.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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