Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
