You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
