Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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