I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
