Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
