I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
As shirtless as possible
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Randomize
