Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just forgot I was standing up.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
