The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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