He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
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All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
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Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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