people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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