well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
