also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Floor bacon is actually really good
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
