Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
