'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
