do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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