That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
