I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
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i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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