yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
