I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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