____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
