my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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