so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
