I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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