we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
