your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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