YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Randomize
