it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
My vagina is officially offended.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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