I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
