They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
