Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
