Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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