Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
how drunk are you?
Several
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
